Be Gay & Mormon? No Thanks, Mom. ❤️
I attended the LDS church until leaving right after my 18th birthday. The main reason I left was because I realized I didn’t have to anymore. The following year I came out as gay and began to realize my leaving the church was more than a fluke. I felt out of place or alienated at church, like a witness in protection hiding their true identity. Their anti-queer teachings caused me a lot of shame and fear. In spite of this, I considered myself one of the lucky ones. I wasn’t raised in Utah, the majority of my family weren’t members, and I got out young. It was easy for me to move on and let go of the resentment, so I did. Four years later, the Church announced a new revelation. In the LDS Church, baptism happened when one turns age 8. This new revelation changed the age to 18. Oh, but only if your parents are homosexuals, and you disapprove of their marriage…
At the time, my fiancé, an ex-Mormon whose children were still active in the Church, took the news hard. Divorce was difficult enough for his children, let alone the news of our engagement. Now, they face the choice of picking dad or God? Shocking policy, ain’t it? Especially for a church who preaches family is forever. It was a new level of homophobia! The likes of which I never experienced in my time as a member. At least back then, the homophobic rhetoric stayed away from the children.
This unfortunate development forced me to reevaluate my peaceful resolve with the church. For the first time, I saw the depth of their hatred and fear of queers as well as the lengths they’d go to keep members in line. I realized they would become more intractable on the issue, enacting stricter policies. People needed to fight back! Luckily, my fiancé was no stranger to confrontation. As a LGBTQ activist engaging with haters was his self-proclaimed thing. On social media, at pride festivals and rallies, he always engaged. As for me, I’ve always been more passive and quieter about my opinions. So protesting outside an LDS General Conference was not my kind of thing. I was hesitant for sure, but not enough to say no when he suggested we go. Yet, I was confident my reserved nature would prevent me from playing an active role at the protest. We showed up at noon on a Sunday. It definitely wasn’t what I expected. There were a few picket signs but no repetitive chanting. There was a megaphone but no riot instigator. Protestors stood in a circle sharing their stories and thoughts on the policy change. They weren’t hostile or angry but sad and reverent. Some were LGBTQ, some allies, and some Mormon allies. True to form, my fiancé joined in sharing how he and his children have been affected by this injustice. It was inspiring and heartfelt, as were all the testimonies given. I felt the pull myself but still hesitated to share.
An hour or so later, we were about to leave when I saw a Mormon woman interviewed by a guy and his camera crew. A courageous but dangerous move. Mormons risked excommunication by participating in the protest. Participating in front of a camera was even riskier. The interviewer asked her if she knew what she was risking. She said yes. He then asked her why. She said because, “It’s not God’s policy but rather a policy born out of fear and arrogance.” She said her love and devotion for the church is what lead her to do this. Her bravery was contagious, I guess, because I let the guy interview me next. I shared the story of why I left the church, as well as my views on the latest policy. “The church is not what it claims to be,” I said. I continued, “They claim to have infinite love for everyone but can’t afford any for gays and their children? They claim the most important thing in life is family but that doesn’t hold water, either. The leaders are prejudice, plain and simple, and members need to recognize that!”
